So here I am, sitting at a desk trying to think of what to write. I feel like I need to say something, anything. I keep lying in bed, I can't sleep, restlessness, anxieties, retracing the past, chasing lost shadows. Pointless. Why on earth would anyone torture themselves this way? I'm not exactly sure, but it's how I function. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one. I lay down at night and think to myself "how many other confused people are feeling like insomniacs right now, feeling like they are the only ones who could possibly understand what it's like to imagine a life without purpose?" Wow, this really is starting to sound like an emo diary haha. Honestly, I have changed so much this year, and then again, I haven't. It's funny how things can change. And it's funny how they don't. It's strange how one can feel like they have so much to offer to the world, and then again, no one to offer it to. Sometimes I'd rather be heavily sedated than feel the day after day struggles of trudging onward. I know that there are so many amazing things in life to live for, and I know that in time I will reach them, it's just going to take a lot of time and patience. Ha. Patience, not one of my strong points I'll have to admit. But still, waiting for something that you know is an inevitability is difficult. Or is it not inevitable? Woah, slow down, what am I talking about here? I think I'm talking about love or something. My mind is so ADD it's not even funny. God, I am a mess when I have too much time to think. Probably 99% of the time, I would be incredibly embarassed to have written this for the public to see, but then 1% of the time it's almost a relief that someone maybe would just listen, they don't have to care. Just listen. Enough emo rantings. I'm off for the evening. Sleep, here I come....hopefully.